I feel like time flies so fast. Really fast. It feels like yesterday when I celebrated my birthday in Bandung with my family and friends. This year, I will just spend my birthday in Jakarta. I wish I could go home, though, but for some reason, I think it’ll be better for me to stay in Jakarta. May has been wild, and I have to tell you, this year’s May has never been this wild. I kicked off the month being an angry, frustrated guy. Work drove me so crazy, and some people really got on my nerves. I had a lot on my plate and got to keep up with the looming deadline. Just when I thought I had finished my tasks, another task or request for revision came. My body has been aching for weeks; I got some massage and took some meds, but sadly, the muscle pains remain.
Looking back, 30 has brought me lots of experiences (let’s forget the muscle pains for a while). I met new people, visited new destinations, tried new food and drinks, and moved twice (I am still thinking of moving to another bigger, better place, though). I had a big argument with my partner, which, I have to say, is pretty traumatic. Every time I remember that fight, I will feel sad. However, it helped us become better people for each other, and since then, our love has become stronger (and forever, I’ll be grateful to have them in my life). I interviewed a number of amazing people, including the master perfumer of Louis Vuitton, Jacques Cavallier Belletrud. I attended amazing events and went home feeling inspired. I still hate that I have to live in Jakarta, but living here for over a year has helped me become a stronger, more assertive person.
Probably the biggest achievement I had in my 30 was getting a promotion. Now, as a senior writer on my team, I know that with great power comes great responsibility, and to be honest, I’m a little scared. I don’t want to mess things up. I don’t want to be fucked up. I don’t want to disappoint people. My head is filled with what-ifs, and sometimes, I find myself worrying too much about things out of my control. However, I know for sure that I have family, friends, and a partner who all love me no matter what. I can come to them for emotional support. Life is not going to be perfect, and I know I can mess things up one day, but the presence of my loved ones makes me believe that, in the end, I will be okay.
While writing this, I am having mixed feelings. I don’t know if I should feel excited or not about my birthday. This will be the first time I spend my birthday far from my family. Last year, I went to Bandung to celebrate it with my family and friends. This year, I am not going to celebrate it with my family. I miss my family, my cats, and my home. I miss my friends in Bandung and want to play games with them. But I guess this is life; this is adulting. Yeah, I guess so. At least I still have my partner and some friends in Jakarta, and I think that’s okay.
Turning 31 is another milestone for me. I’m not gonna say it’s a really big milestone because everybody grows old anyway. Still, I admit that I’m truly grateful to see another May 28 (and I look forward to seeing more and more “May 28”s in the future). So, let me share my hopes—the ones that I probably will have for my next birthday:
May the new life chapter bring much more happiness and prosperity. May good physical and mental health be with me. May the people I love dearly—family and friends—always be blessed. May the new milestone mark the beginning of more great opportunities in the future. And may the new age help me become a better, wiser person.
Dream home. Ah, it’s something I have always dreamt of. An architecture enthusiast (and a The Sims veteran), I love designing houses and have dreamt of owning my own house designed by, well, myself. I don’t have a degree in architecture. I didn’t study the field in college either, but I know what I like, what works for me, and what I need when it comes to living space. Yes, I know at this point in my life, I don’t have the means to afford my own place (I mean purchasing a house). I also have to make some compromises, like being okay with not having a bigger space or accepting that my current place is not as quote-and-quote new and comfortable as my previous place. Ah! I haven’t written about me moving to a new place (again)! I’ll probably talk about it later in another post.
And oh! My big brother is an architect, so should I need some help, I can just go to him anyway.
But dream home, well, I have two images in mind: a house on a corner lot and an ultramodern loft. My dream home is either a detached house on a corner lot or a loft apartment. Mind you, I’m not married (yet), so for now, I don’t think I need a big place. Also, smaller houses are supposed to be easier and quicker to clean, right? However, there are some mandatory “keywords” for my dream home: privacy, modern, storage space, and well-lit.
Modern industrial house on a corner lot. Credit: Lorena Darquea (homedit)
My preference for corner houses comes from my personal experience. In fact, my family home is situated on a corner lot. My room is on the second level and is a corner room. Featuring corner windows overlooking the front garden and a junction, the room allows me to have a wider view, which is great. Corner houses are also built on relatively bigger lots than non-corner ones, meaning you have more space to use. My parents love gardening, so having a bigger space for it surely makes them happy. It’s also easier to identify, thanks to its location. Sure, there are some downsides to corner houses, and when it comes to feng shui, these houses are generally a no-no option. As a half-Chinese, I have to admit I am a selective feng shui believer. I don’t like two doors facing each other (like in hotels), a bed positioned in such a way that my feet point out the door (it’s called a “coffin” position, and I am scared of coffins), or a bathroom positioned opposite the front door. I want my bathrooms to have water, wood, and earth elements and my bedroom to be clad in toned-down colours. However, I don’t think having a corner house is a big no or something to avoid. I’ve seen so many beautiful and stylish corner houses in real life, and I like them. To ensure greater privacy, I would love to purchase a property within a gated community. I grew up living in one, so I am used to such a life. Thankfully, my neighbours aren’t nosy or problematic, and issues are taken care of really well.
As for style, I love modern ones. Minimalist, industrial, and ultramodern styles are my top three numbers. Scandinavian and Japandi (a portmanteau of Japanese-Scandinavian) aesthetics are also my cup of tea. I used to like more intricate, classical styles like Baroque, Victorian, Georgian, and Adam styles. As I grew older, however, I realised that life is such a complicated affair, and to avoid more complications in life, I would go with something simpler. I think simpler styles also cost less (at least you don’t have to spend more money on, I don’t know, Corinthian columns, exquisite ceiling trims, intricate ironwork, or whatnot). Neoclassical and Art Deco are still my favourites, though, as they are not as intricate yet elegant. Neoclassical style, in particular, can be mixed with contemporary elements, which is a big win for me. It’s like a good balance.
Speaking of industrial style, I know it is generally quite dark, and I must admit I am scared of darkness. However, there is something sexy about the style that entices me. It might also have been overly used, with countless restaurants and coffee shops in Jakarta and Bandung sporting this style. For a residence, however, it is still unique. If I were to apply this style to my dream home, I think I would go “as is” with exposed brick and raw concrete walls on both the exterior and the interior. I can also put the pedal to the metal by using corrugated steel panels, like the ones used to build shipping containers, instead of wood panels. I don’t like spiral stairs in general, but for my industrial-style dream home, I wouldn’t mind having one (a big one); I just have to make sure the treads are wooden, not metal, to reduce noise. For flooring, I am fine with raw concrete or herringbone parquet. The living-dining area would have double-height ceilings with floor-to-ceiling windows and sliding doors overlooking a garden (probably a Zen garden would be great). An article on The Spaces showcases a property in Sydney that screams industrial, with huge steel-framed windows, exposed brick walls, bare concrete floor, and sturdy metal columns supporting timber beams. The design and layout are pretty inspirational for me, even though I have something else in mind for my dream home.
Warehouse-turned-residence in Sydney. Credit: The SpacesLiving-dining-kitchen area with double-height ceilings. Credit: The SpacesLarge windows allow more natural light to enter during the daytime. Credit: The Spaces
Another thing I want to have in my dream home is a good-sized space for a grand piano. As a musician, I want a designated space to place and showcase one of my prized possessions. The nicest spot to place it is the living area, and if the piano is positioned next to a window, that will be much better. A fireplace can really complement this area, especially if I plan to live in a city whose climate is relatively cool. I remember visiting a friend of my dad who had an enormous fireplace in her dining hall. Her house was dressed in a Mid-Century Modern-meets-rustic style and was built on some sort of hill, so some rooms were blessed with a sprawling view of her garden and the city. On rainy days, I think it would be really great to turn on the fireplace and have some tea there.
The living area of a residential farmhouse in Nuenen. Credit: Hoog Design
In terms of furnishing, a leather sofa is a must for my industrial-style dream home. I love leather in various aspects, including fragrance, fashion, and furniture. A modular sofa also sounds great, but if the space doesn’t allow one, a regular sofa will still work for me. Last year, I attended an event at Minotti Jakarta and got an opportunity to see their vast collection. Rodolfo Dordoni-designed Twiggy, in particular, piqued my interest. The design looks low-key futuristic and whispers sensuality. The one displayed at the store was upholstered in fabric, but the piece is offered in different iterations, including black leather. Another thing I want to have in my home is perfect lighting. I think Eichholtz has steampunk-flavoured products. I mean, steampunk and industrial styles make a good match, right? Oh, I almost forgot it! I want a good-sized walk-in closet. I think I need it. I want to have plenty of space to store my clothes, hang my leather jackets, and showcase my fragrance collection. It will also be nice to be able to categorise and keep my clothes (especially T-shirts) based on their colours. My favourite colours are black, blue, and white, so having three designated spots for these colours will be amazing.
For a loft apartment, I still want to decorate it in a modern fashion. As I mentioned earlier, ultramodern, industrial, and minimalist are my go-to styles. There is an apartment tower near my workplace, and its units have floor-to-ceiling windows. I once browsed the internet for the units’ interior. They were pretty modern, I would say. However, I imagine my dream loft will not be that big. It’s not cramped, but it’s not a behemoth either. Since it’s on a smaller side, I have to make some adjustments to make the space look and feel more spacious while still intimate. A minimalist style will be great when rendered in a toned-down, neutral palette (see the photo of The Tokyo EDITION Toranomon for reference), while an industrial-style loft will look handsome in a black-and-white swatch (with white dominating the interior). I take inspiration from real residences, as well as hotels. The River View Mezzanine room at The Warehouse Hotel, Singapore, makes a perfect example.
I did a quick research on the internet to find out the average size of loft apartments in Jakarta. The size starts from 45 square metres, which is, well, pretty common. If I live in a loft, I will have to give up some things. For one, I don’t think I can have a grand piano, but a digital piano can still fit. I don’t mind having a queen-sized bed as long as I can have a decent space for my clothes (again, it’s about storage). Since I’ve always been a city boy my whole life, a sky-high living will fit my lifestyle. I would place a desk by the window so I could have a nice view while working. Ah, I can imagine a lo-fi-like scenario where I work until late at night, accompanied by city lights, a cup of hot chocolate, some cookies, and—of course—a lo-fi playlist.
I believe it’s wonderful to be able to have my own dream home, whether a corner house or a loft apartment. In the end, however, a dream home is more than just a living space; it’s a space where I feel safe, happy, and comfortable. It’s a place that I cannot wait to be at after a long, tiring day at work. It’s a space where I can be and express myself unapologetically. It’s a part of me.
WordPress has a built-in daily prompt feature, which I have never used. Some prompts were actually pretty easy and straightforward; I just didn’t think I wanted to, you know, write about the themes/topics featured. In fact, this is my first post based on the prompt. The prompt (or, rather, the question) is, “Is your life today what you pictured a year ago?” and to answer this question, I can simply say no.
No, it’s not.
I can even go back to my high school years. Since I was in elementary school, I always dreamt of becoming an architect or a musician—a classical pianist, to be precise. I grew up listening to Beethoven, Mozart, and Chopin. I play piano and violin. I listen to the music all the time. I have participated in numerous concerts, be it classical or popular. My life has always revolved around music, so when people asked what I wanted to be, my response would be, “I want to be a pianist” or “I want to be a musician”. I pictured my future as a musician, performing in classical concerts and collaborating with different artists. My future home would have two grand pianos—one in the parlour and the other one in the dining room. In high school, I began to dive into the world of EDM, familiarising myself with the likes of Tiësto, Armin van Buuren, David Guetta, and Benny Benassi. It was during this time that I had an idea of marrying classical music with EDM, and I looked up to musicians like Maksim Mrvica, Vanessa Mae, and Bond. I remember performing Rimsky-Korsakov’s Flight of the Bumblebee, accompanied by a band in a rock arrangement. Yes, it was a rock arrangement—not an EDM one, but I was happy with the result.
I fell in love deeply with Chopin in college. During these years, I practised and played his pieces, with the “Raindrop” prelude being my best favourite. I first listened to the piece when I was in elementary school; my mom was pregnant at that time and listened to classical music a lot, and the prelude was one of the pieces included in the tape cassette she bought, so it has sentimental value. My goal was to master the “Heroic” polonaise (I watched Nodame Cantabile: The Movie I, and the piece is featured in the movie), but I ended up practising Debussy’s Arabesque No. 1 because it sounds very romantic. However, I found myself struggling with my thesis and consequently “took a hiatus” from classical music. In the same year, I landed a job as a translator. It was my very first job, and juggling between college and work was really difficult. In 2016, I graduated from college and continued to focus on working.
With most of my time allocated to work, I thought I wasn’t able to pursue music further. I began my journey as a writer in 2018 when I joined a start-up company, crafting texts on various topics from different clients. In 2019, I worked for a hospitality company as a freelance content writer. That year, I wore a different hat for three different companies. I must admit that 2018 and 2019 were the busiest years, but somehow I enjoyed them. Pursuing a career in the music industry was no longer my priority, and playing the piano was just a favourite pastime. Sometimes, I wished I could embark on a journey in the entertainment industry as a musician, but I was already too involved in the media/creative industry.
In 2022, I landed a new job. I now work as an editorial writer for two publications. Last year, I was still able to work from home, meaning that I could work from Bandung, my hometown. Earlier this year (2023), the company decided that all employees should begin to work from the office, effectively “forcing” me to move from Bandung to Jakarta. It was a big, difficult decision, and until today, I still hate the fact that I have to live in Jakarta, leaving my family, cats, and friends behind. I’ve been in this city for almost a year now, and sure, I’ve known “the drills”. The city has no longer been strange, and I think I have become somewhat different to what I used to be since the move. The city has changed me, I would say. I don’t know whether it’s a good change or not, but at the very least, I survived.
So, yeah, my life now is not what I pictured a year ago. I thought I would still be able to work from Bandung, but I had to fucking move to this concrete jungle where the weather is excruciatingly hot, the pollution is horrible, and the traffic is a daily nightmare. Rents are crazy, some people are assholes (I mean, they are everywhere, right?), and homesickness and loneliness are inevitable. Did I find good things here? Well, yes, I did, and I am thankful for the amazing experiences I have had. I met new amazing people, I have co-workers who care for me, and most importantly, I have a loving partner who supports me unconditionally. Sure, the year 2023 was/is not perfect, but I think if I can focus on the good things, I can end the year on a positive note. I hope the new year will bring me more great things—kinder people, bigger money, better health, and greater experiences.
A friend once posted something on Facebook. It said, “When Chinese Indonesians feel stressed out, what they need is karaoke.” Somebody commented on that post, showing their approval. I don’t think it’s true because everyone deals with stress differently (and not all Chindos love karaoke—like my partner), but I admit that karaoke serves as an avenue to release pent-up frustrations. It’s a safe place to scream my head off or cry my heart out without being judged (I mean, people still can judge my voice, but at least I won’t be yelled at by my neighbours for singing loudly).
For the first time after the pandemic, I went to karaoke. This time, I went with my co-workers. The idea of going to karaoke came up when I was walking home with James. We were talking about our favourite music genres, and he said that we should probably go to karaoke sometime, to which I agreed. After some discussion, we thought Friday would be a better day to go since we didn’t have to go to work the next day. If we come home really late, at least we don’t have to wake up early the next morning.
If you read my previous post, you would know that I have been dealing with insomnia. Work has been pretty crazy and I feel stuck in my current situation. For the past couple of days, I have been an angry guy—moody, easily irritated, and gloomy. Some co-workers told me that I looked tensed up and “all cloudy”. To be honest, coming to the office felt like a huge task this week. I didn’t have enough energy for various interactions (I did enjoy the company of the closest co-workers). Sudden assignments and revisions were seen as threats. People seemed happy, but I looked miserable. I felt alienated and I hated it. I wish I didn’t have to come to the office, but I had to. I even remember going with Tasia to a nearby coffee shop for afternoon tea and telling her how I wished I didn’t have to meet and talk to anyone because I was really tired (but explained to her that she was an exception). Because of that, I thought I needed something to cheer me up, and karaoke, hopefully, could do some magic.
We booked a room for two hours. There were eight of us, and James and I were unsure if two hours would be enough. In the end, we felt like it was enough. Nevertheless, we had some fun, even though I didn’t perform many solos (I wish I could, though. but it’s fine). We had dinner and spent around an hour enjoying our meals while chatting. It was finally time to go home, and James, Tasia, and I took the subway. We were tired but pretty entertained. As soon as I arrived at my place, I sent a message to them, letting them know that I was home and safe. I continued talking with James and told him that we should plan another karaoke day; next time, we might go to a different place and book a room for three hours. I guess we really need it—a karaoke day—to destress ourselves. Work has been pretty exhausting for us, so it’s just natural for us to find something entertaining and relaxing.
I would love to go to karaoke again with my friends. And yes, I think we have to book a space for three hours so everyone gets a chance to perform solo. I don’t mind going with fewer people (and, depending on my mental condition, I think the less is better). In fact, I think going with just my closest friends would be better for me as it means less interaction (I don’t hate my other co-workers, but I have to admit that, during stressful times like this, I reserve my energy only for the closest ones). I look forward to the next karaoke day, and in the meantime, I will focus on recovering my energy and creating my own happiness.
I’ve been dealing with insomnia lately. Well, as a night owl, I am used to sleeping at 12 or 1, but when insomnia attacks, no matter how early I try to sleep, I end up sleeping at 2 or 3. I remember not being able to sleep one night until around 3.30, so imagine lying restless on the bed for hours, only to wake up feeling sick and unrested.
During my insomnia period, my brain would play a series of memories. Some were beautiful, but the rest were just horrible. I couldn’t tell my brain to stop playing them. I didn’t want to open my eyes and stare at the darkness, but my eyes kind of told me to open them. It seemed like I had no control over my brain (which, I believe, is experienced by many). Sometimes, what-ifs filled my mind, leaving a deep regret that haunted me. These days, I have also had bad dreams. Some weren’t necessarily terrible, but they gave a spotlight on my fears. One of the bad dreams I can still remember was being involved in a forced marriage, with me being forced to marry someone. In that dream, I even told my soon-to-be-wife that I didn’t want to do this. Up to this point, I haven’t seen “marriage” in my dictionary. It’s not a priority for me, so it’s just natural for me to feel uncomfortable when people ask when I am going to get married.
Last night, I was lying on my bed, thinking about what I was doing with my life. These days, I have been an angry guy, especially at the office. I’ve been moody, easily irritated, and unfriendly. I guess I’m just really tired of everything happening in my life. My workload has been crazy and I’m broke as fuck. I am anxious about my career path, hoping to get a promotion and a raise. I’ve been looking for an additional job to support myself, but I just haven’t landed on one. My bank account is dying, but I have bills to pay. Sometimes, I find myself dreaming of those years I worked as a translator. I could work from anywhere, I didn’t have to leave my hometown, and I got a pretty good salary. It’s a different situation now, and I wish I worked harder and saved more money back then.
I hear screams in my head—my own screams. I wonder how long I can survive and if my hard work will pay off. Nevertheless, I believe that I am responsible for my own happiness, so in such a hard time, I have to make sure that I can find some happiness and peace. Or rather, I have to make my own happiness and peace. I don’t know if my words make sense because when I write as a therapy, I tend to just let things flow, no matter how jumbled they seem.
Last week, I attended my cousin’s wedding. Ever since she told me that she would soon get married, I was beyond excited. The wedding venue, however, turned out to be in North Jakarta, and even though I now live in Jakarta, it is still pretty far from my place. I initially asked my partner to come with me, but they already had some plans with their friends. In the end, I decided to go by myself. It was raining, and halfway through, I doubted if I should continue the trip, but my cousin is very special to me. She is a cousin and a childhood friend, so her wedding is something I shouldn’t miss. I took the subway and transferred to the bus. The trip took around an hour. It was one rainy Saturday evening and I thought the traffic would be jammed, but it was actually okay (which was a great relief for me). I managed to come on time and enjoy the event. I even got a prize from a game.
And then, it was time for me to go home. I decided to take a bus and subway, just like before. It was around 9.30 and even though it was Saturday night, the bus stop was almost empty. I remember only one girl was waiting for a bus, so there were only the two of us at the stop. The bus came and we got on it. There were plenty of empty seats as the bus was also almost empty. I sat by the window, plugged my headset into my phone, and played some music. It was Jukjae’s Reminiscence. When it comes to listening to music, I have a habit of playing one music on repeat. This is true, especially with songs I really love or am obsessed with.
Jukjae first performed this song on Yoo Heeyeol’s Sketchbook—a music program aired by KBS—in 2020. He performed it again on the same program in 2022. The version I have on my phone is the 2020 one. The lyrics centre around a longing for someone and the pain of being left. The song begins with mellow piano riffs before the first verse comes. The arrangement gradually gets merrier (I don’t think “merrier” is the right word), and the last part even features a bluesy element. I think Jukjae successfully delivered the story embodied in the song, effortlessly making the opus melancholic without being overly melancholic (ambience-wise, this performance sort of reminds me of Jung Dongha’s performance of the late Kim Hyunsik’s My Love by My Side on Immortal Songs 2).
The song fits the situation. I was on the bus, on my way home, by myself. It was still raining outside. There was a lot to see from the window: people waiting for the bus; a shopkeeper sitting lazily on a Monobloc, waiting for customers; a man taking refuge from the rain under a pedestrian bridge; men smoking and chatting in front of a convenience store. Reminiscence captured the sense of loneliness I felt at that time. Looking back, I experienced a similar feeling during my first weeks in Jakarta. After work, I would take a bus home and if I was lucky, I would get an empty seat. Bonus point if it was by the window. I would listen to some music while thinking about lots of things or remembering my time in Bandung. I missed my hometown, family, and friends, and instead of being close to them, I was somewhere else by myself, surrounded by strangers. I think Reminiscence will also fit that scenario.
However, it was not necessarily a bad thing. There was something heartwarming about the scenario—being on a bus by myself, looking out the window, and immersing myself in the melancholia of the situation. I didn’t like the fact that I was by myself (I wish I was with my partner), but there was something comforting about it. If I could choose, I wouldn’t want to be in that situation by myself, but I would admit that it isn’t totally bad. Blissful loneliness, I would say.
It’s been two months since I moved to my new place, and I have to say it was a great decision. First things first, my office is just five minutes away from my place by motorbike so it is pretty close, meaning that walking home after work is possible. This helps me save up more money, which is good for my financial condition. There are plenty of places selling tasty food and beverages nearby, and the prices are affordable. I have talked about my new place in a post so I don’t have to describe it again this time. What’s better, there is a 24-hour Burger King about two minutes away from my place. There is also a 24-hour Starbucks, but the barista told me that they do not really open for 24 hours; they are open until midnight on weekdays and 2 AM on weekends, but at least I know where to go whenever I feel like cramped in my room (even though, to be honest, I have never really felt that way since moving here).
Moving has also made it possible for me to walk home together with my co-workers. In fact, I do it every day, but with whom I walk home will depend on my schedule. My co-worker lives pretty close to my place, and some days, we walk home together. There is also a new co-worker who lives nearby, and we have even exchanged numbers just in case one of us feels bored and wants to hang out. Walking home with co-workers allows me to talk about so many things—from family and relationships to work stuff and adulting. There were times we weren’t done with our stories yet while walking home so we decided to “hang out” near a subway station to finish the stories.
Most of the time, however, the stories we told while walking home were personal. I was able to see some other sides of my co-workers. Sometimes, we talked about shared problems, which allowed us to understand the situation we both were facing from different perspectives. That day, I walked home with my co-worker and talked about the challenges we faced at work. I was brutally honest with him about what I felt and thought. He acknowledged my thoughts and feelings, then added that despite our hardships, we somehow managed to get our tasks done. He even mentioned that years ago, the team comprised only two persons, but they still managed to publish the magazine (by the way, we work in the media industry). The team now has welcomed new members, and the workload is expected to be lighter, but problems still present themselves in so many different ways. He saw how big our responsibilities were and how exhausting it had been, yet he knew that we still did and gave our best. We could have just quit, but we decided to stay, trying to survive.
It got me thinking. There were times I felt exhausted and fed up with work, and I just wanted to quit, but I stayed. In fact, my co-worker whom I usually walk home with has left the company two or three times yet ended up returning. I wondered what has “kept” us from leaving, and it just came to me: the epiphany.
“Do you know the reason we stay? The reason we fight for our works, our magazines? I think it’s because we love what we do and our creations. They are our babies. For me, at least, they are my babies, and I also love writing so I guess that’s why I stay.”
That was what I said to my co-worker, to which he agreed. Our writings, our magazines, they are our babies, our pride. If you love someone or something so dearly, it’s just natural for you to fight for them. The same thing goes for us… for me. Problems indeed arise every now and then and some people are real ass, but I love writing and it’s always my passion. There is something “healing” about being able to express my thoughts and feelings through my writings. It feels great to be able to educate or inform people and share my passion for so many things. I am proud of myself when I see my name in the magazine.
The conversation reminded me of when I worked as a translator for a company. The first years of working there were great, but things went downhill, and eventually, I realised that I really had to quit. I was paid less than I should have been, yet I was expected to perform best. They kept cutting my salaries to the point that I had to find some side jobs to make a living. In the end, I quit the job, but all those years, I tried my best to stay. No, it wasn’t because I loved the company; it was because I loved what I did. Being a translator allows me to help bridge the gap between two groups speaking two different languages. I can spread information from a source language to more people by providing it in a target language while, at the same time, also learning about the information. Yeah. I loved what I did, and it was just natural for me to fight for it. That was why I stayed.
“And also, another reason I stay is… I’m broke as hell. I gotta have a job.”
The universe has its own way to shape our paths and guide us to take them. Sure, it’s normal for people to walk on different paths, which results in a farewell. And I think this is a life dynamic inevitable. People come and go, and life takes us on a new adventure. It can be exciting and, at the same time, sad. We welcome new faces to our lives, and, at other times, we bid adieu to those we care about and love so dearly.
Yesterday, we had a simple farewell party for a friend. Michael is going to Japan soon for another adventure, and my friends and I would love to make one last memory with him before he leaves. As I was on leave (I am still, though), I didn’t want to lose a chance to properly say goodbye to him, and I didn’t even think of it as a goodbye. I will never know what the future holds, so there are always some possibilities that can happen, including meeting him again. It wasn’t a goodbye; it was an “until we meet again” thing.
I am excited for him, and I’m sure he is also as excited to embark on a new journey in the country he has been familiar with (Michael previously worked in the hospitality industry in Japan). However, the idea of being unable to meet him and play games regularly like we used to is what hurts me. Since moving to Jakarta earlier this year, I haven’t been able to meet my friends in Bandung because, well, I now live in Jakarta. I didn’t like the move; in fact, I never did. I’ve always wanted to go back to Bandung and live in the city, but life has had a different plan for me and at this point, I had no choice but to follow the plan. Now that Michael is the one leaving us, I have mixed feelings about it. Sure, I am happy that he is going to craft new dreams, but on the other hand, being left is painful. I guess this is how leaving and being left are different. When you leave, you have something new to look forward to. It is sad, definitely, but you have something you look forward to, and it sort of “occupies” your mind, so you’re not totally stuck with the sadness and the loneliness (even though those feelings occur sometimes). When you are left by someone, the leaving person leaves an emptiness in your life, and this gap is not always “refillable”.
I always believe that people who have come into our lives have a space in our hearts. Think of a heart as a hotel with hundreds or even thousands of rooms owned by people in our lives. When one “checks out” for any reason, their room cannot simply be occupied by someone else or a new person because the space belongs to them (take note of how I use the word “own” instead of “reserve”). Instead of occupying the leaving person’s room, these new individuals will have their own room. This is why we can never truly and totally forget people who used to be a part of our daily lives. It might seem that the old person has been replaced by someone else, but in reality, our focus just has shifted. The old person is no longer in focus, but they are still in our hearts and mind, represented by their room. People can come back and “check in” to our hearts, occupying their respective rooms, but some probably will never return; we have either “blacklisted” them from our lives, or they have decided not to return.
Physically, Michael is about to leave his room in our hearts. By physical, I refer to in-person meet-ups, but thanks to the development of technology and communication system, we will always have ways to stay in touch with each other. His room won’t be neglected because when we communicate through social media platforms, we are sort of “housekeeping”, ensuring that his room is nice and neat. Honestly, I am having fun writing this post because both Michael and I are pretty familiar with the hospitality industry. He works in the industry while I review and write about hotels and resorts, so being able to create such an analogy feels really great.
For now, we have to part ways, embarking on our unique journeys. Despite taking on different paths, we know we can always connect to each other through social media or messaging platforms. Who knows, there will be a cross point in the future where our fates intersect and we unexpectedly take on the same route. We’ll never know. I wish Michael good luck in his future endeavours.
After living in my former place for five months, I decided to move out. Of course, it wasn’t an easy decision, but the situation forced me to take action. I found a new place pretty close to my office. The rent is higher, but now I have a bigger space for myself. And with the move, I really hope that—while a flawless, perfect place does not exist—I can have a much better living condition, which in turn would result in better well-being and bring greater happiness. No matter how hard I tried to make myself at home, my former place presented various problems, making moving out necessary. So, I decided that June would be my last month living there, and earlier this week, I left the place, moving into a new place located around five minutes away from my workplace by bike.
I had checked the place with my partner, and during my first visit, we met an old lady—the landlord’s mom who took us on a tour. She told us that the building is still very new. The construction ended on March 2023. It has four floors; each of the first three levels comprises four rooms, while the top floor has only two rooms. In total, there are 14 rooms on the premises. During the viewing, the lady told us that there were two rooms available, one on the first floor and the other on the third floor. Rent varies based on the floor (the higher the floor is, the cheaper the rent is), which is a little weird, but I decided to go with the room on the third floor. The monthly rent is 2.9 million rupiahs, about 254,000 Korean won or 193 American dollars, 600,000 rupiahs higher than my previous rent.
The room is clearly bigger, the bed is bigger, the working desk is bigger, and the closet is bigger (which I love). Everything is bigger, I would say. The ceiling is pretty tall. The interior is more modern, and somehow it feels familiar (it feels like I was having a sleepover at a friend’s place because their room was designed similarly). There is a window allowing natural light to come into the room. There are two wall shelves so I can showcase my perfume collection. The bed is custom-made, with a pretty big drawer as an additional storage solution. There is also a built-in nightstand, a feature unavailable in my previous place. The bathroom is, I’m gonna say, smaller than my previous one, but it has a ceiling-mounted exhaust fan and a small window for better air circulation, alongside mandatory bathroom fixtures. As a bonus, it also has hot water. There is a wall niche to keep my bath products, so everything is well-organised.
As for public amenities, I would say there isn’t much the place can offer. It doesn’t have a kitchenette, so I cannot cook spaghetti, noodles, or whatnot. Tenants are allowed to bring an induction cooktop to cook in their rooms, but I don’t want to create a mess in my room. The management also does not allow tenants to wash and air-dry their clothes on the premises, which is why I don’t see a single clothesline here. I like to wash my own clothes, and sometimes I do that, especially for pieces I really like or that need special treatment, and the idea of not being allowed to wash my own clothes and dry them is rather frustrating. However, there is a rooftop area where tenants can hang out, but ever since I moved here, I haven’t seen anyone going to the rooftop. The area is pretty spacious, and I can see myself someday in the future going there to enjoy a cup of hot chocolate in the night while staring at the starry night sky.
Another thing I don’t like about my new place is the noise problem. My neighbours aren’t noisy (there is one guy who is quite noisy, but it’s not a big problem). Right above my room is another balcony where the management installed water pumps, and every time someone takes a shower, the pump will turn on, and the noise is obnoxious. My room is also at the end of the corridor, and with this position, I barely get a good WiFi signal. Also, since my room is on the third level, I take longer to reach the front door. In fact, I fell down the stairs this morning and injured my left leg, my right ankle, and my left shoulder. Yes, it was my fault, but I think such an incident could have been avoided if my room was on the ground level. I mean, I didn’t have to take the stairs to get to the front door, right?
Regarding my old place, there are so many things to talk about but, to be honest, it’s not easy for me to write about them. For one, the latest problem I experienced there has really made me frustrated, and even after I moved out, there is one last thing the management still has to be responsible for. Their incompetence in handling such a matter really gets on my nerves. From dirty, murky water and small space to noisy neighbours and lazy, incompetent staff, the problems eventually got to the point where they became unbearable. In the end, moving out was the best solution for me.
I have been living in my new place for two weeks. The experience is positive so far, and I truly hope my decision to move to this place will bring greater happiness and good things to me. Of course, as I mentioned in the beginning, there is no such thing as a perfect place, but, at the very least, there are always better places to go and live in. Am I going to move to another, better place? Well, maybe, when I find one, but for now, let’s call this place my new home.
Junseo's Thoughts 