Last week, I attended my cousin’s wedding. Ever since she told me that she would soon get married, I was beyond excited. The wedding venue, however, turned out to be in North Jakarta, and even though I now live in Jakarta, it is still pretty far from my place. I initially asked my partner to come with me, but they already had some plans with their friends. In the end, I decided to go by myself. It was raining, and halfway through, I doubted if I should continue the trip, but my cousin is very special to me. She is a cousin and a childhood friend, so her wedding is something I shouldn’t miss. I took the subway and transferred to the bus. The trip took around an hour. It was one rainy Saturday evening and I thought the traffic would be jammed, but it was actually okay (which was a great relief for me). I managed to come on time and enjoy the event. I even got a prize from a game.
And then, it was time for me to go home. I decided to take a bus and subway, just like before. It was around 9.30 and even though it was Saturday night, the bus stop was almost empty. I remember only one girl was waiting for a bus, so there were only the two of us at the stop. The bus came and we got on it. There were plenty of empty seats as the bus was also almost empty. I sat by the window, plugged my headset into my phone, and played some music. It was Jukjae’s Reminiscence. When it comes to listening to music, I have a habit of playing one music on repeat. This is true, especially with songs I really love or am obsessed with.
Jukjae first performed this song on Yoo Heeyeol’s Sketchbook—a music program aired by KBS—in 2020. He performed it again on the same program in 2022. The version I have on my phone is the 2020 one. The lyrics centre around a longing for someone and the pain of being left. The song begins with mellow piano riffs before the first verse comes. The arrangement gradually gets merrier (I don’t think “merrier” is the right word), and the last part even features a bluesy element. I think Jukjae successfully delivered the story embodied in the song, effortlessly making the opus melancholic without being overly melancholic (ambience-wise, this performance sort of reminds me of Jung Dongha’s performance of the late Kim Hyunsik’s My Love by My Side on Immortal Songs 2).
The song fits the situation. I was on the bus, on my way home, by myself. It was still raining outside. There was a lot to see from the window: people waiting for the bus; a shopkeeper sitting lazily on a Monobloc, waiting for customers; a man taking refuge from the rain under a pedestrian bridge; men smoking and chatting in front of a convenience store. Reminiscence captured the sense of loneliness I felt at that time. Looking back, I experienced a similar feeling during my first weeks in Jakarta. After work, I would take a bus home and if I was lucky, I would get an empty seat. Bonus point if it was by the window. I would listen to some music while thinking about lots of things or remembering my time in Bandung. I missed my hometown, family, and friends, and instead of being close to them, I was somewhere else by myself, surrounded by strangers. I think Reminiscence will also fit that scenario.
However, it was not necessarily a bad thing. There was something heartwarming about the scenario—being on a bus by myself, looking out the window, and immersing myself in the melancholia of the situation. I didn’t like the fact that I was by myself (I wish I was with my partner), but there was something comforting about it. If I could choose, I wouldn’t want to be in that situation by myself, but I would admit that it isn’t totally bad. Blissful loneliness, I would say.
Junseo's Thoughts 